Haha... Well well well. It's been a while since I've gotten on this grand site known as Xanga, and from the looks of things, not a whole lot has changed. There's still a whole bunch of interesting passages on the front page about relationships and tips to make them better, and/or the opinions and feelings that people have on certain subjects. Coming back to this place just makes me feel so much nostalgia, it's not even funny, lol.

I don't know why I decided to stop on by, but I felt like taking the time to go and check out my old web blogs would help me feel better in a way. I've become so non-caring in my heart, that it's preventing me from progressing forward in life. When I used to feel as if I didn't have a problem expressing myself, I'm now challenged with this newfound mental blockage, one that comes and goes whenever it feels like it, and I hate it. Writing epic stories about adventure, romance, and overcoming large obstacles was something that really made me feel empowered to do good things. When that ability was stripped away from me, all that it left behind was this unfillable void in my chest, which did nothing but collect doubt and uneasiness within it instead.

If you're wondering how I'm doing... to be quite honest with you, I could be better. A lot better. Lately, I just feel as if I'm a huge failure all of the time, and that I'm slowly losing whatever good mind that I have left, since I can't find a job or even pass a basic Composition class. I feel as if my memory's fading away so quickly; abnormally quickly, to the point where I'm forgetting what happiness feels like. I've had no luck in finding a job, I'm losing interest in things I once used to enjoy and be proficient at... The only thing that I'm not having trouble with is the ladies, which is something that boggles my mind even now.

Maybe it's because my depression's making me come off as emo, which in turn makes some girls attracted to me. I've always been a fairly sensitive person, but I never thought that girls would actually find that as a turn-on. A guy with confidence, a fat paycheck, good sex and a hot bod, all rolled up into one big package of success is what I pictured as most women's dream fantasy. Apparently, I'm not thinking all that clearly.

Though I'd hate to say it, I've even grown tired of my own mother's existence. It's like Chris Tucker once said in one of his stand-ups, "Have you ever noticed that up until the age of 18, you're your mama's baby, but the moment you graduate high school, you're just that other nigga walkin' around the house?" Those words could never be more true with me. I don't feel like I'm her child so much anymore, but rather somebody she's just rooming with. Moving out of the house and into my own apartment has never really been on my mind that much, since I was afraid of venturing too far from home, but now, I feel like I'm never going to actually start feeling like my own person, until I get the hell out of this basement for good. If I could just get one good, decent paying job, and then save up for my own vehicle, I'd be set. I know I would be. Just a change of environment would be enough to get rid of this writer's block, at least. *sigh* Oh well. I'll just keep on living, until I eventually get where I need to go in life.

If it weren't for good friends like Allen, D'Wayne, Deron, and the like, I'd probably be even worse off than I already am. They've seen me when I was a more upbeat person, and they've talked to me as I am now... and to tell you the truth, I don't think I'm all that fun to be around anymore. I've grown silent, and less impressive in the funny department. Some people call it maturity, but I call it losing a part of myself that I actually grew to love. I want to get it back... one step at a time, I want to get my mind and my happiness back. Until I do, I'll just have to keep moving foward, and try not to give up.

My next class is gonna start in a few minutes, so I'll see you guys later... if anybody reads this, that is, lol.

Just put up a "Cool story, bro *thumbs up*" and save yourself some trouble, if you don't feel like reading the huge wall of text. It's just me rambling on about what's going on in my head anyway.

--Stanford Locke III, aka Tre

Give 'em the ol' Whamma-Bamma

Lol, what the title says. Lately I've been playing Brawl, and so far, I have to admit that Bowser's a lot better than he was in Melee. Sure, Bowser had the power, the finess, and the strength that we all know and love, but he's gotten a bit better in Brawl. The Infinite Jump's pretty interesting to use, though I'm still wondering how in the hell they use it to do consecutive aerials instead of his side B. My favorite move of ol' King Koopa is no doubt his back air, forward air, and his foward tilt.

Though I've been getting a lot better with Peach, too. She's really easy to combo with once you get the hang of her, and hardly leaves any openings. Wario's good, too, since his moves are so wacky with different effects, it makes him easy to not be able to predict. Same goes for Luigi, except Luigi is WAAAAY more harder to predict. I mean man... his neutral air sends a player flying straight up. Straight up I tell you! Weird, man.

Well, I updated the layout, and the music, which I think is the jam among jams, even though it's short. The wallpaper's from Mario Party DS, a game that I never got, since, oh, I dunno, I got like 8 other friggen Mario Party titles to choose from. e .e;; Why in the world hasn't it ended yet? The same should be said about Pokemon, except Pokemon actually has a lot of playability and things to do, unlike a Mario Party game.

Well, school's started up, and I guess that's a good thing, since I'm tired of just sitting around, doing nothing all day. I need to get a job, but my mother said that I can't get a job under 11 bucks an hour, and keeps making me apply for jobs at big honcho places. Well I could probably get a job like that, and keep it too, so I guess it's not too much stress on me. If only GameStop paid more, I'd be working for them. For those of you starting in the working world, get a job that you like and can still manage around your school schedule with. The moment your job starts fucking up your education, like getting your homework done and stuff, you need to consider getting another job, or else you'll get burned out. Believe me, it's happened to me before.

Well, anyways, guess I'll be off now. My birthday's in a month, so I'll be alive officially for two decades. See ya around.

.:Tre Locke:.

Bowser owns in Brawl, and is tied with my most favorite character on Brawl, Toon Link. Can't help but love them both, but I guess that's not what my entry is about today.

Abie and I broke up yesterday, and though it was rather unfortunate and cold-hearted of the both of us, it was for the best. Though I really really wished I could have just been with her... I was already out of her grasp after she decided to change for her ambitions. I didn't take it well, that I wasn't even remotely a part of the finer things in her life, but... I have needs just like any other man out there. Sure, the relationship was online, and of course I can understand someone not having much time to spend time with an online loved one, but man... don't act like you've never felt anything for me at all if you were in love with me. That only makes things worse.

Mmn, anyways, so we're not a couple anymore. It really sucks... I mean really really just sucks big ass, because all of this could have been avoided if we had just gotten along a little better. It wasn't my fault entirely, but still... our relationship didn't have to die the way it did. But at the same time, I feel relieved and somewhat glad, that I was able to last so long with a girl that I really liked. Though both of me and Abie will never speak to each other for a long, long while, I'm just glad that she won't be out of my life completely. And now that I'm unfortunately single again, I guess I just have to find a way to get love. u .u

Well, other than that, Mario Kart Wii comes out in four days. Can't wait to tear it up on those new courses and with that wheel controller to boot. :3 On a side note, Pokemon Diamond and Pearl came out one year ago today. Hopefully all of you have very strong pokemons to fight with.Until next time, see ya.

.:Tre Locke:.

Brawl rules. Nuff said. Just makin' an entry to let people know that I'm alive and well. Oh, and to let you know that if you own the little bit of happiness I'd like to call Super Smash Bros. Brawl, that I'd be happy to give you a run for your money on that game. It's awesome. Toon Link owns in that game. He's my main, obviously. -w- I use others as well, so I'll just post their icons on here, and you can battle me to find out how much fun it is to battle me.

2191-7304-5086

See you on the battlefield.

.:Tre Locke:.

I don't really know why I got on this blog and decided to make an entry, but there's something in my chest that's aching, and I don't know why it is. I'm not in the worst shape of my life or anything, so I know the problem's not a physical thing. I think it's something mentally. I don't know what it is though.

It always happens whenever I think about intamacy and love, something I really don't know anything about. I've pushed the feelings like that away from myself and others around me, especially to girls who probably do have some feelings for me. Even though I have Abie, I know she probably isn't as close to me as she used to be a year or so ago. There's nothing I can really do about it, since we're a couple of states away from each other. I know that there's something going on with me, but I don't really know what it is.

I guess the main reason is that I have little to no love for myself. I never really did have much confidence in any of my abilities, or my looks. Even though my own mother tells me that I'm handsome and nice, most of the time I'm negative because I truly do hate myself... I always say awkward and weird things, people tend to ignore half the things I say, and that never really made me feel good. A lot of the things that I really want in life that I can't get, I usually convince myself that I don't need them, and a lot of feelings, especially the bad ones, I keep bottled inside, especially when someone hurts my feelings.

I guess as I sit here and think about things, the best thing for me to do is to get some therapy, like my mother's been telling me to do. I tend to get mad, because I don't think I need therapy, and that I'm normal. But the sad fact is, I'm not normal. It's so hard for me to just openly admit it off of the screen. Maybe after I get my own car and save up a bit of money, I'll start searching for a decent therapist to talk to. I'll start working out again in the summer, like I used to, though it'll be harder for me, since I haven't done it in four years. I'll finally go to the doctor and dentist again, even though I used to be sort of scared of them both, and maybe I'll start going to church again. Even though a majority of the people online don't believe in God, the christian lifestyle is so good, and you end up becoming somewhat of a good person if you just follow the good points of the religion.

Whatever I decide to do, I know that if I have to make life better for myself, I have to do something other than keep it to myself and do nothing about it. Life is tough, and sometimes you need a strategy guide just to get to the next point. I'm going to quit rambling and start planning on doing something. Until then, I'll see you when I see you.

~Tre Locke